This blog post was written by Liadan Gunter, Life Coach at Nivati. You can see more of their content on the Nivati platform and on the Nivati blog. If you want to learn more about Nivati, click here.
Some 4,000 years ago, the ancient Babylonians first began celebrating the New Year and made promises to the gods they worshiped. You could argue that they were the first people to set New Year's resolutions and celebrate the passage of time in the manner we do today. New Year’s resolutions have evolved, though, and now most resolutions are centered around making promises to oneself, rather than to gods.
As inspiring as making New Year’s resolutions can often seem, about 64% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions within a month, and only 8% of people are successful in achieving the goals that they set. That means a whopping 92% of people that set New Year’s goals and resolutions never achieve them. So, what gives?
Why New Year’s Goals and Resolutions Fail
A lot of people get wrapped up in the excitement of New Year’s and imagine goals in an abstract, hypothetical manner–the goals have little grounding to them. They may be centered around a very specific outcome or on unrealistic ideas that don’t have a plan. For example, the goal could be to “lose 20 pounds,” and their motivation is tied to that number. Losing that kind of weight takes time, and if the motivation is tied to that specific outcome, they are less likely to endure when there’s a lack of immediate results.
Additionally, if they don’t already have healthy habits in place, the goal of losing 20 pounds isn’t just that goal, but a goal of building habits that promote that goal as well. It’s much harder to achieve it alone if they don’t already have the habits built to achieve that goal. So the goal is much greater than simply losing 20 pounds–it means creating many lifestyle changes, which also take time. Suddenly, this one goal is actually more like 10 goals, only they don’t meet the eye at first glance. This is the perfect recipe for not being able to follow through on goals. So, how does one beat this conundrum?
Resolutions for Mental Health
So, now that you have some tools to make your resolutions stick, you may be wondering what kind of resolutions are good to make – especially for your mental health.
If you’re not sure where to start, I recommend making goals and resolutions in the follow categories:
- Physical: Sleep, Diet, Exercise
- Community: Social Support, and social circle
- Growth: Personal development, Boundaries,
- Financial
- Spiritual
How To Set New Year’s Resolutions and Goals that Stick
- Break big goals into smaller goals
Remember how I mentioned that sometimes a specific goal can be bigger than it seems? If you’re making a New Year’s resolution, I recommend breaking it down into smaller actionable steps.
For example, if you’re trying to lose 20 pounds, break it down into smaller goals that support that overall goal. You may make smaller goals such as “eat vegetables with every meal”, “don’t buy processed foods at the grocery store”, work out three times a week”. These are goals that you can take action on, and they are more manageable because they describe the how of how you will lose those 20 pounds.
- Get specific about the when and the where
Following the example from above, if your smaller goal is to work out three times a week (in support of your larger goal of losing 20 pounds), that means specify which days of the week, and at what time, and where you’re going to work out. You may decide that on Mondays and Wednesdays at 5 p.m. you are going to go to a kick-boxing class, whereas Fridays at 8 a.m. you’re going to go on a 5k run. This is you creating an actionable action plan. Doing so will make it more likely you’ll follow through because you’ve taken an abstract goal of “work out three days a week” and given it substance–where you’re working, and at what time, and what kind of workout. Oftentimes we can struggle to follow through when our goals are wishy-washy–this takes away the guess-work so when the time comes, all you have to do is actually put it into action.
- Schedule your action plan in your calendar
This is similar to the one above, but takes it a step further and makes it a concrete plan. If you just have the idea of going to the gym those days, but your calendar is full with all these other commitments, you’re more likely to push it off in favor of the other items on your to-do list. Putting it in your calendar makes it a commitment, and allows you to schedule your day in accordance with that activity in mind.
- Set incremental goals
In the same way that you have broken these goals down into smaller actionable steps, incremental goals to keep you on track, and for you to reward yourself. For example, you may say, “I will work out three days a week for the next month.” This is an incremental goal. At the end of the month, I recommend you reward your progress, evaluate your performance, and depending on how this month went, potentially amend/level-up the goal.
For example, perhaps at the end of the month, upon reflection you note that you were only able to go to the gym two times in a week. I would recommend, then, setting the next goal to be: “In the next month I will work out three times a week.” If, however, you meet the three-times-a-week benchmark, you may decide you’d like to push yourself more. In this case I’d recommend setting the next incremental goal to be something like, “In the next month I will work out four times a week.” It’s important for me to note that you don’t always have to be pushing either. Perhaps you’re at three times a week, and you’re happy with that–that is perfectly alright! In this case, you may decide, “O.K., let’s do it again this month!”
The main point is that setting incremental goals allows you to check in with yourself, make amendments, and reward yourself for your hard work.
- Reward the process (incremental goals), not just the end goal
Research suggests that the proximity (time/distance) of a reward to a goal increases motivation to achieve it. The key here is moving the focus away from the final goal and place it on the process itself by setting incremental goals and rewarding those goals. This consistently spikes your dopamine (a neurotransmitter that drives motivation) which leads to increased motivation.
Rewarding the incremental goals also helps you learn to value your effort and process instead of just focusing on the end goal. Interestingly, this can also make it more likely that you create lasting lifestyle changes because you have learned to enjoy the process, not just the results.
- Focus on what you will do, not just what you’ll avoid doing
For example, perhaps you want to stop watching Netflix before bed. It’s not enough to just say you’re not going to watch it–think about what you will do instead. This will make it more likely you cut out the Netflix because you already have a plan of what you will do instead. If you don’t have a replacement, it’s much easier to fall back into those pesky habits you’re trying to avoid. Focus on the replacement of what you will avoid.
- Learn from and examine the past
Examine and reflect upon why some of your goals in the past have failed. We can learn a lot from what didn’t work. Try to see where you got stuck, or where you were resistant to the change. This information can help you understand where you struggle the most, so when you go to create goals now, you know where your specific pitfalls are.
- Plan for your pitfalls and possible challenges
Take those pitfalls you discovered in your reflection process and build plans that take them into account. For example, if your goal is to practice gratitude but you hate writing, perhaps a good strategy for you would be to practice gratitude out loud, instead of trying to force yourself to write in a journal which is unnatural for you. Tailoring the goal to what works for you will make it more likely you accomplish it and follow through on it.
- Get rid of all-or-nothing thinking and make “1% better every day” your moto
This is something that trips people up a lot. Going back to our original example, if your goal is to work out three days a week, but you miss one of the workouts early in the week, many people with all-or-nothing thinking would ditch the rest of the workouts because they already fell off track. I see this happening a lot. Try not to make your mistakes these giant mountains and shift your thinking to remember each day is a new day.
So if you missed your workout yesterday, it doesn’t mean that you have to miss it today “because the week is already off.” Try to say to yourself: “O.K., I missed yesterday’s workout, and I may not make my goal of three times this week, but I can make two–and that’s still better than what I was doing before.” Try to count your success over a cumulation of time. Some days are going to be better than others. Some days you may have needed to take a rest day and not to go to the gym. Does that mean that you’re not progressing? No. It means that day you needed a rest day.
If you make even a 1% change every day, week, or even month–that adds up over time, and eventually you will have improved. You don’t have to do everything perfect right away to see that improvement–it’s the small changes over time that add up.
- Make sure your goals are in alignment with one another and with your values
If you have a goal to lose 20 pounds, and another goal to win an eating contest–these are goals that conflict, and you’ll have a harder time meeting either of them. Try to make New Year’s resolutions and goals that are symbiotic with each other and also with your values. Double check these two areas when you’re creating your resolutions.
At the end of the day, the new year marks the passage of time and is a great time to take stock of your life and how you would like to improve it. If you’re struggling to follow through on your resolutions, try implementing these tips and see if you discover a change this year. What are your New Year’s resolutions and goals?
For more information on new year's resolutions, check out this video!
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