“Anxiety is on the rise..”. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but what exactly does it mean? Back in the day, panic attacks and anxiety crises existed under different names, not quite as “diagnosed” as today. So is it real that there is an increase in the cases, or is it that we acknowledge it more now? You may wonder if this matters. And, of course, if you are currently overwhelmed by your emotions, this will probably seem useless. However, the way we frame our reality creates our expectations and, therefore, how we experience our lives, so please indulge my detour, and let’s add some perspective on the topic.
Given that this issue has been discussed a lot, especially after the pandemic, I am sure you have heard theories blaming anxiety on social media or the uncertainty of these times. And yes, all that does have an impact on our experience. There is no doubt about it. But since most of us aren’t willing to close all our social media accounts, let’s dig deeper into what else is happening; take these people, for example:
Rebecca, a mother of two, in over her head with her kids’ schoolwork and her own job, constantly worrying about getting them everywhere on time, packing their lunches (which should also probably be healthy-ish), spending quality time with them, and making sure they don’t fall behind in school. One day, before pick-up, she overhears two moms talking about signing their sons up for karate lessons - because it’s important for them to stay active and socialize outside of school - but the class is across town from her house.Should she take them anyway? She doesn’t want to add another chore but feels selfish and lazy for denying them this opportunity.
Andrew is a student during midterms who feels like the responsible thing to do would be to stay in all week preparing for the exams. But he doesn’t want to miss out on going out with his friends every weekend. Does he have to sacrifice his social life to do well in school? He’s been listening to a podcast, and this week’s episode was about the importance of socializing and the dangers of isolation. He’s scared that he'll be left behind if he says ‘no’ once.
Fernando has a fulfilling job and is in a happy relationship. He likes his life, and he’s kept busy but still feels he should have a hobby. He probably needs some time for himself, but not how he usually decompresses: by scrolling through his phone. He needs to be active! He’s constantly seeing his friends’ posts. It looks like they lead extraordinary lives. Hikes, clubs, sports. Why doesn’t he have any pastimes? That can’t be healthy, right?
All of them are experiencing high levels of anxiety, which brings us to the first thing we should establish;
Anxiety Is To Be Expected
Of course, no one wants you to have an anxiety crisis, but some levels of anxiety are ALWAYS to be expected. Every time we deal with something new, a process, a situation whose outcome is not clear for us, a new relationship, a new period in our lives, all of that could create a feeling of fear. Even some really unimportant situations could trigger anxiety since they might be subconsciously connected with something that could create tension/danger, not necessarily in real life but in our minds. As a simple example, let’s say you tried to learn how to ride a bike when you were a kid and never could; you always ended up hurting yourself. If someone says something about going for a ride later in life, you might feel fear or unease, even if you finally figured out how to bike. Or you read about a car accident, and then you are supposed to hit the road with your kids; again, your brain might trigger an anxiety sign. Because ANXIETY IS A SIGNAL.
This means that the kind of “adrenaline shot” that we experience while having anxiety (with its various physical and mental symptoms) helps us get moving, figure out a solution for our problem, make the changes needed, and even create solutions for issues that are not happening yet, since it can, if allowed, help us to anticipate possible scenarios. Of course, I am not saying it’s a nice feeling; I understand how uncomfortable it can be, but since it tells us that we need to move ahead and/or change something we are doing, we can make it work for us if we keep it controlled.
Anxiety And Social Media
Of course, we can’t deny the effect of social media on the anxiety levels everyone is experiencing. You do not need to read this article to connect with the feelings you have after a few minutes (or hours) of scrolling through social media. Most likely, there will be others portraying themselves as spotless as possible, and yes, you know your own humanity (and would tend to forget theirs), so if we do the math, anxiety is just an expected reaction after our social media binging episodes.
Anxiety And Us
When dealing with social media, we can try to manage ourselves; consider using time limits and remember that most of what we see are curated images, not “real life.” And yes, it’s just trying; sometimes, we might be more successful than others. We can try to acknowledge that, most likely, we will feel some anxiety after posting something or sharing our thoughts or opinions. Most likely, we will care about what others will say. We are human; we are wired this way. How others perceive us, that they like us and include us, meant that we were able to survive back in the caves, and our brains haven’t changed that much since then.
We can learn to foresee what activities will make us nervous, not to avoid them, but to be prepared for when that feeling hits. Rebecca can understand that she will start doubting herself whenever someone mentions an activity for their children. To process the feeling, she can ask herself, “Is she preventing them from having an experience that will ensure their success in life?”
By practicing anticipating anxiety, instead of getting even more anxious when it comes, we can try to let it pass. Fernando started doing this, just letting the “anxiety shot” go its course and leave him just as it came. Breathing techniques helped, of course, but nothing was as helpful as accepting that he tends to feel anxious in a particular situation. And you can go even further and observe, as objectively and judgeless as possible, what are your anxiety triggers. We are all different, so yours could be different, but most likely, it will be connected with situations that make you feel vulnerable. Though, guess what? We, humans, are vulnerable. As much as we feel we should have it all figured out and sorted, no one has. Even those who seem put together on social media also experience anxiety now and then. Artists, actors, and singers have shared how stressed they feel before a show or even on stage, so don’t blame yourself for being human. Let’s try some self-compassion instead.
Anxiety and Our Societies
Being human also means trying to avoid loss at all costs. Again, this is not about you and me; it’s about our brains' wiring and survival. But nowadays, we have no use for this fear. Furthermore, we are prisoners of it. Most slogans and infomercials target those fears in us. “Don’t miss out…” “Limited edition”, etc. The fear of missing out is well ingrained in us and not only makes us purchase unneeded stuff, but it also triggers anxiety and frustration when needing to make a choice. Most of us will benefit from accepting that we can’t have it all, even though most marketing tells us we can and should.
Now, this is where all this gets really tricky, but here it goes:
It's Not You, It's Us
And by us, I mean all of us, meaning our society. When we live in groups, some discourses reach us consciously, and others do it subconsciously; we receive them from media, teachings, movies, social media, advertising, marketing, etc. These days, we live in a society that tells us daily that happiness can be achieved; a state of total perfection and happiness is out there, within our reach, and this is the tricky part: if we are not experiencing that, it is all our fault, just as Andrew feels like a failure for not doing it all at the same time!
Don’t get me wrong, I would love all of us to be experiencing constant happiness, but it is impossible. As Pixar shows us with InsideOut (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/05/opinion/sunday/the-science-of-inside-out.html)We have a broader set of emotions that matter. All of them are part of our experience, and when we feel that emptiness, that lack of something. Well, that is what keeps us moving (more can be found on Huxley’s “Brave New World” if you like literature) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brave_New_Worl.dSo this discourse that continues to sell us the idea that constant and complete happiness is achievable also tells us that we are constantly the ones failing to obtain it, leaving us feeling incomplete and even not allowing us to enjoy all that we have achieved.
I am not saying that improving ourselves is pointless but that it is as important as showing compassion for our human nature and celebrating ourselves, with our great achievements and with our not-so-great features as well. One of those features is that we experience anxiety regarding uncertainty, among other situations. If we could just embrace ourselves through it (and stop having impossible goals), hopefully, this rise of anxiety in our society will start decreasing soon.
