Stephanie had always believed that once she retired, she would have time to do all the things she had dreamt of during her many years working in corporate America. When the longed-for day finally arrived, she did all those things: she traveled with her husband, spent time with her grandkids, and even took a ceramics class. The world was her oyster! Unfortunately, she was bored out of her oyster three months later. But why? Retirement had been her horizon for so long; this was all she had ever wanted, so how could she be sick of it already? She realized she missed her job so much: the work, her coworkers, her office, and the feeling of having accomplished something at the end of the day.
The Retirement Illusion: Why Reality May Not Match Expectations
Like Stephanie, many of us have an idealized vision of retirement. We are supposed to put all of our time and energy into our jobs for the promise of a wonderful future in which all we have to do is relax and enjoy ourselves because our working years are over. It's kind of like the promised land for the working class. Stephanie’s experience is surprisingly common. Many retirees anticipate freedom and fulfillment but often find themselves grappling with unexpected challenges.
This view of retirement as paradise can actually work against our best interests. If we think that our life will be a bed of roses once we reach a certain goal, we will hardly plan and prepare for it, right? So, let’s see how we can plan ahead to have a smoother process.
Financial Worries: Planning for More Than Just Leisure
Emilie had never struggled with money; her lifestyle had always been pretty frugal, which allowed her to retire with a comfortable patrimony. Still, she isn't convinced that her savings will be enough to support herself. She spends sleepless nights making up scenarios -some slightly more tragic than others- and the many ways in which they could play out. Could there be a recession? Could she make some bad investments? Could she fall sick and need expensive treatment? Could she go to Vegas and gamble it all away?
It goes without saying that some countries offer better retirement plans than others, and we can’t (and won't) assume we are all in the same situation. However, we all could definitely benefit greatly from some professional advice. Even though that’s not the goal of this article, we understand that financial worries can cause a great deal of stress that overshadows our days and makes it hard to focus on anything else.
Unless it’s our area of expertise (and sometimes even then), it’s tough to get to a point of impartiality and objectivity when it comes to such a sensitive subject. The question that most retired folks struggle with is something along the lines of “How much of my money can I spend once I’ve stopped making any?” Regardless of patrimony, the answer is unsurprisingly very subjective: some people choose to tighten their budget, while others prefer to reevaluate their investments. The key is to be clear about what works for you and how you will do it. It's also essential to find out if we have our family’s support and, if possible, talk numbers.
Retirement finances are often a source of worry, not because people haven't saved enough, but because it's challenging to shift from earning money to managing it. Seeking financial advice or reassessing spending habits can alleviate stress and allow us to focus on enjoying this stage of life.
Finding Purpose After the Career Ends
Just like Stephanie, lots of people wait anxiously for D-Day, the moment their working days end and freedom begins, only to be hit by the reality that it's not what they had imagined. She could make a change; for others, it took longer.
Many people are surprised by the feeling of emptiness after finishing their years of employment, but it does make a lot of sense if we analyze it beforehand. Picture this: You come from a pretty strict routine with a specific rhythm. You went from spending a significant amount of time outside the home, interacting with other people, and performing a series of daily tasks, to finding yourself at home with no way of knowing what you are supposed to do next, and no one to tell you. There’s no playbook, so how are you supposed to know how to spend this newfound free time?
Here is where different variables come into play: it’s not the same if you live alone, with a partner, with children, if they already formed homes of their own, or if they still need your help (and whether that’s something you are willing to do). Maybe you live in a city where you don’t have a support network to rely on. Building off that, the idea of “retiring and traveling the world” might sound great on paper, but you may have to face reality and figure out if that’s something you are okay doing by yourself.As some people said, it’s essential not only to retire but to “know what you are retiring to.” To think of it not as an ending but as a transition to a new beginning (and a lovely one). In order to do this, it’s vital to get to know ourselves, what we like, what we don’t, how we would be happy spending our time, etc. If we are sure of these things, designing a retirement that satisfies us will be much easier.
Everyone comes from a different place. Those of us with an entrepreneurial background have more experience planning our days independently. For most people retiring from a 9-to-5 job, dealing with the emptiness (or just having one or two daily chores) tends to be challenging. So, starting earlier to plan how we would like to spend our days can always smooth our transition.
For this planning stage, we can’t stress enough the importance of sitting down with ourselves and trying to understand our needs as well as our non-negotiables. How much social interaction do we need daily to feel good? How much free time do we want to spend with our family? Do we need to move our bodies more now that we don’t have something forcing us to leave the house?
We can divide our lives into a few areas to assess our current needs first, taking into consideration relationships, family, physical activity, interests, and purpose or contribution. Then, we need to understand what we like and don’t like, where we feel satisfied, and where we could expand a bit more. Of course, considering that if we haven’t retired yet, our time will be way more limited. But still, maybe we should think about joining groups, people with similar interests with whom we can share activities. Some fan favorites include book clubs, cooking classes, second language classes, dancing lessons, and trekking, amongst many others.
Finding the courage to open ourselves to new people and experiences is critical. If we can start small, even before retirement, we are not only creating new relationships and discovering possibilities for the future, but also exercising the muscle of opening ourselves up to new experiences.
Understanding what is important to us is the key to a better experience. Just like Bob realized he had always felt a deep satisfaction from his job, so he was sure that the right thing for him was, naturally, to continue to work. For as long as he could, anyway. Imagine his surprise when, after some introspection in therapy, the conclusion was that his gratification resulted from seeing the impact of his contribution and feeling like he was making a difference. So, instead of looking into getting a part-time job, he decided to try and join non-profit organizations with goals that resonated with him. So he started volunteering while still working, and when his retirement came through, he became a part-time employee at this NGO.
Even though Bob realized this through therapy, most people can benefit from journaling about their interests. Simple prompts like “I really enjoy doing…” or “my best times at work/in life/ with friends were… because ….” can help you find clarity around what brings fulfillment in your life.
The Importance of Routine and Social Connection
Once we enter the actual retirement phase, there are a few ways we can ensure a smoother transition. One of the key parts is finding a way to create a routine that works for us. It doesn’t need to be rigid or strict; to start, maybe just a list of tasks for the day and activities for the week. Also, having small goals, which are easy to achieve, works better. If yours are bigger, try breaking them down and, of course, celebrate each milestone accomplished.
Sometimes, even though we have planned our retirement and are clear about what we would like to do, we just can’t seem to do it. In these cases, there might be some underlying concern or fear that is preventing us from following our plans.
For example, Emilie found the idea of working part-time or freelance unbearable. She thought: “I spent so many years working to be able to afford not to now, why would I force myself to go back? I promised myself I’d focus on doing what I love”. But she would still procrastinate signing up for drawing lessons. After a while, she realized that her fear of increasing her expenses was standing in her way. Luckily for her, once she had this eureka moment, she was able to find a space that offered free classes. Also, talking to her classmates in similar situations, she got to analyze her finances and learned how to face some of her financial worries better.
In Greek mythology, the Oracle of Delphic preached that the key was to know oneself. Of course, that comes in handy here, too. The more precise we are about our wants and needs, the easier it is to plan a smooth transition. One way is to take the time to connect and understand which kind of activities bring us joy.
Adapting to Change: The Value of Flexibility
One of the greatest challenges in retirement is it is a significant change in our daily lives. That is why many people suggest doing it slowly, considering a part-time job or freelance. Again, it is vital to look inward and try to understand whether we require a more rigid or flexible structure, whether we would like to take the first few months off to rest and figure it out later, or whether we would be more comfortable drawing up a plan as soon as possible. Maybe the lack of activities can cause stress, maybe not. Every person is different.
Doing an internal assessment gives us flexibility, and compassion is also an essential (and often overlooked) aspect of dealing with change. Even though we can plan, retirement is a significant change in life, and we can never be completely prepared for everything. Some things are just out of our control. There is no need to persist if the plan we crafted for ourselves no longer serves its purpose. We can always change the plan.
Flexibility is key not only for the planning phase but also for the rest of our lives. Things change, and once we start living as planned, it would be wise to give ourselves the possibility of reviewing our first assessments and reconsidering if they are still pertinent. After so many years of effort, we deserve the well-being that only comes from treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. We must understand that just as with everything in life, our needs and desires can also change, and there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean that we did retirement wrong. It just means that we evolved and that now we can craft a new plan that will lead to a fulfilling retirement.
No matter where you are in your retirement journey, take the time to reflect on what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. Start small—whether it's signing up for a new class or volunteering your time—and build from there.
