“I’m not good enough”
“I don’t deserve happiness”
“I’ll never be able to do that”
Have you ever had thoughts like these? Me too. These thoughts that run through our minds during difficult times, challenges, or new experiences can quickly develop into self-limiting beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs usually become deeply ingrained in us over time and influence our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and decisions. These thoughts and perceptions often prevent us from doing things we are capable of and reaching goals we thought were unattainable. Therefore, recognizing and challenging them is critical for our personal growth and success.
Steps to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs
Overcoming self-limiting beliefs involves recognizing them, challenging their validity, setting goals, seeking support, and practicing self-compassion and positive self-talk. Remember, this is a process of gradual change and growth, it’s important to move at a pace that feels right for you.
1. Recognize
This step involves becoming aware of the self-limiting beliefs you hold. These practices will help you self-reflect and gain useful insight into your thoughts and patterns.
- Practice Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Pay attention to what comes up for you and any recurring negative thoughts or patterns that arise.
- Gain Insight from Others: Ask a trusted friend, family member, or mentor for feedback on your strengths and areas for growth or improvement. Sometimes, others can offer insights into beliefs and perceptions you may not be aware of.
- Reflect on Past Experiences: Think about times that you doubted yourself, felt held back, or didn’t achieve what you wanted. Consider the thoughts and beliefs that were present in those moments and how they may have influenced your actions and outcomes.
2. Challenge
This step involves challenging the validity of your self-limiting beliefs and considering other perspectives. Regularly challenging our ways of thinking helps us strengthen our mental flexibility and identify thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that feel better.
- Question the Evidence: Examine the evidence that supports or contradicts your self-limiting beliefs. Are there instances where you succeeded despite believing otherwise? Push yourself to think about the evidence for or against a thought. Check out this helpful worksheet for putting your thoughts on trial.
- Consider Alternative Explanations: Explore potential alternative explanations for your experiences or perceptions. Are there any factors that explain the situation differently? Challenge yourself to break your typical thinking patterns.
- Challenge Assumptions: Identify any assumptions underlying your self-limiting beliefs and try to challenge them. What are your assumptions based on? Question whether these assumptions are valid and helpful or if they are holding you back. A question I find helpful to ask myself is, “Who would I be without this thought?”
- Reframe Negative Thoughts: Reframe negative thoughts into more balanced, empowering, and realistic ones. With repeated practice, you can access new perspectives and develop a strong growth mindset.
3. Take Action
This step involves taking action toward your goals despite feeling stuck or discouraged. A consistent, practical, and proactive approach to addressing these self-limiting beliefs will allow you to build confidence and realize your full potential.
- Set Specific Goals: Set clear, achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Break down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps to aid your progress. Learn more about setting goals here.
- Challenge Your Comfort Zone: How often do you step outside of your comfort zone? Take calculated risks to confront and overcome your self-limiting beliefs by proving to yourself that you are capable and can do hard things. Remember, we grow on the edge of comfort.
- Visualize Success: Visualization techniques can be used to guide you in imagining yourself succeeding, overcoming obstacles, and achieving your goals. These techniques can help build your confidence and motivate you to take action.
- Be Consistent: Consistency is key to building momentum and making progress. Commit to consistent action towards your goals, even when faced with setbacks.
4. Seek Support
Seeking support and encouragement from others can help you overcome self-limiting beliefs and leverage the strength and knowledge of others. Remember that you don’t have to navigate this alone, and help is available.
- Identify Support: Talking to trusted people about your self-limiting beliefs can provide valuable perspectives and encouragement. Friends, family, or mentors are all great sources of support and positive influences who believe in your potential.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider meeting with a therapist or coach who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or other techniques that can target self-limiting beliefs. Professional support can provide you with tools and strategies for addressing deep-seated beliefs that are impacting your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
*Learn more about the therapy process and where to start here.
5. Practice Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk
This step involves cultivating a kind and supportive relationship with yourself. Invest in yourself to develop greater resilience, higher self-esteem, and inner peace.
- Acknowledge Your Humanity: This is our first time navigating life and its complexities. Recognize that imperfection and struggle are a natural part of the human condition and offering yourself kindness and understanding matters.
- Practice Self-Kindness: Do you treat yourself with the same grace and care you would a friend in need? Offer yourself words of encouragement and comfort and remind yourself that you are worthy of love, acceptance, and happiness. This practice may feel uncomfortable or unnatural at first, but trust the process and know that it gets easier over time.
- Recite Affirmations: Positive affirmations can reinforce beliefs in your abilities and worthiness. Regularly reciting affirmations such as “I can do this”, “I am deserving of good things” or “I am worthy of love and happiness” builds confidence and resilience. If you notice an initial resistance to this practice, build time into your day to work at it. Some people find it helpful to start or end their day by repeating affirmations.
- Harness Gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspectives and fostering feelings of appreciation and abundance. You can cultivate feelings of gratitude by reflecting on what’s going well, the positive aspects of your life, and reminding yourself of your blessings.
Read more on How Self-Compassion Can Help and How to Practice Self Love
Overcoming self-limiting beliefs is a journey that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every win along the way, no matter how small. Remember that growth often involves stepping out of your comfort zone, challenging your thoughts, and embracing new experiences. We are capable of things beyond our imagination and by following these steps and staying committed to the process, you can gradually overcome self-limiting beliefs and unlock your full potential. I hope you move forward with encouragement and confidence!
References:
Amo, V., & Lieder, F. (2020). A gamified app that helps people overcome self-limiting beliefs by promoting metacognition. EARLI JURE SIG 8 Conference, online.
Cascio, C. N., O'Donnell, M. B., Tinney, F. J., Lieberman, M. D., Taylor, S. E., Strecher, V. J., & Falk, E. B. (2016). Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation. Social cognitive and affective neuroscience, 11(4), 621–629. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsv136
Nakao, M., Shirotsuki, K., & Sugaya, N. (2021). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for management of mental health and stress-related disorders: Recent advances in techniques and technologies. BioPsychoSocial medicine, 15(1), 16. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13030-021-00219-w
