Yes. That’s a word I’ve been saying a lot lately. I’m used to saying more no’s –  having boundaries for my time and energy. Historically, I’ve been someone who prided myself on knowing when to say no and yes to things. I had this internal knowleddge of where the balance between the two lay, and I figured that I would always have a good grasp on it…

At the start of this year, though, I moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone. I started to wonder if those boundaries of mine were a bit too strict. So I loosened them up trying out the word ‘yes’ more.

Amidst this year of change, the word ‘yes’ felt right. As if, perhaps, it held all the secrets that I’d been missing all this time. So I started saying yes to new opportunities, people, places, hobbies, and even ways of thinking. 

Unbeknownst to my conscious self, I was embarking on an experiment of saying yes, and I want to share a little about what I learned with you.

Saying Yes Opens Doors 

There’s no doubt about it: saying yes automatically exposes you to more. If you feel that you’re in a rut, or you’re simply curious about other things, saying yes to something that you wouldn’t ordinarily say yes to can shake things up. 

I didn’t know anyone in my city; so, I tried to put myself in situations where I could meet new people. Since I love to run, and wanted to start strength training, I joined Barry’s, which is a famous workout class known for combining HIIT with strength training. The first week there, they happened to be running a Hell Week which means you take one of their classes every day for 7 days. I said yes. 

For those of you who aren’t familiar with them, their workouts can be rather intense; so this was going to be a challenge for me, but I figured why not? Every day that I went there, I decided to try to speak to one person that I didn’t know hoping to meet people with similar interests. 

It worked. Before I knew it, I had several people’s contact information and plans to meet up outside of the studio. I remember thinking to myself, “wow, ok that was easier than I thought!” 

Saying yes will expose you to things outside your comfort zone which may be unnerving or anxiety-inducing, however often once you face it, you realize you don’t have anything to fear. Sure, I felt uncomfortable at times, but I’ve always thought that discomfort is just a hurdle you have to get through in order to feel more confident afterward. This experience confirmed to me the value of saying yes and lit the fire of ‘yes’ underneath me even more. 

I began to shift my thinking and asked myself, “ok – what else can I say yes to?”

It turns out, a lot. I signed up for a dance class with a new friend that I had always wanted to try, I went away with a friend that I just met to her hometown and met her family, and organized multiple weekend trips with new and old friends to unfamiliar places. 

“Yes,” wasn’t just taking center stage in my personal life, but also in my professional life. For example, I joined an entrepreneur’s women’s network and proposed that I host a workshop for them, to which they excitedly agreed. I was taking on new clients and proposing new types of projects too. 

I felt immense gratitude and excitement. Saying “yes” brought me to opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. 

I had been worried about the new move. I thought, “Would I have anything to do? Or places to go?” I never expected I would have more on my plate than I knew what to do with. 

The Downside of Overcommitting

There’s another side to this story. Somewhere along the way, I realized there is such a thing as saying yes a bit too much. The freedom I found in saying yes began to feel like a burden. Overcommitting myself became a regular occurrence. I found myself double-booking weekends, waking up early and staying up late to finish work I had committed to, and feeling drained rather than energized by the life I was building.

There were days when I’d wake up and feel a sense of dread because my calendar was packed with commitments I’d enthusiastically agreed to, but no longer felt capable of fulfilling. The guilt of backing out would creep in, so I’d push myself to follow through, even when it meant sacrificing my own well-being (which is everything I teach against). I didn’t recognize myself.

One particular weekend stands out in my mind. I had said yes to a long weekend away with a friend, had packed my schedule to the brim with work before and after the trip, and just as I was arriving home from the trip I was hit with food poisoning that took me out for several days. 

I was already absolutely exhausted, but being that ill on top of it really put things into perspective for me. Simultaneously, I had come home to more messages than I could reply to, a full email box, and a long list of upcoming events I had committed myself to, and was too ill to do anything about them. 

It hit me then—I’d lost sight of the boundaries that used to serve me so well. Even if I hadn’t been ill, it was too much for one person to do intentionally. I had lost touch with knowing the balance between yes and no.

The Balance Between Yes and No

This experiment with “yes” taught me a valuable lesson: while yes can lead to new opportunities and growth, no is just as important. It's the word that protects our energy, maintains our boundaries, and keeps us from overextending ourselves.

It’s easy to feel guilty when saying no, especially when you’re trying to establish yourself in a new place, build connections, or please others. I know that so many of my clients experience this, and I was surprised because there I was experiencing the same thing. The resounding, confident no’s of my past were replaced with guilt. It caught me off guard as I’ve never been one to feel guilty about saying no.

This showed me that sometimes even when we think we’ve figured something out in life, we may have to re-learn or find a new balance as we evolve and change, just as our circumstances do the same. 

In fact, this balance will likely fluctuate throughout life, and we may constantly need to reassess and recalibrate them. There are seasons where saying yes serves us well, and others where saying no is essential.

This experience reminded me that saying no isn’t about shutting people out or missing out on life’s experiences. It’s about choosing where to invest your time and energy so you can be fully present in the moments that matter most.

I’m still figuring out where that balance lies for me in this new chapter, but I’ve come to appreciate the ebb and flow between yes and no. Now I’m adding a little more no’s into the mix. 

The balance between the two is a dynamic dance, one that requires constant recalibration. So, as I continue to navigate this balance, I encourage you to listen to your inner voice. Say yes when it feels right, and don’t be afraid to say no when you need to. Both words are essential in creating a life that feels both exciting and manageable.

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