This blog post was written by Christy Johnson, Counselor at Nivati. You can see more of their content on the Nivati platform and on the Nivati blog. If you want to learn more about Nivati, click here.

As a busy person working in a corporate environment, it can be challenging to balance all of life’s demands. From deadlines and work-related issues to personal and family responsibilities, it can be a lot to keep track of. And if you are a parent of a teenager, your balancing act is an even greater challenge.

Parenting a teenager demands a great deal of attention, time, and understanding that can put extra stress on an already demanding work life. Misunderstandings between teens and parents are common, and the addition of multiple hectic schedules can quickly become overwhelming. Not having the tools to balance all of this can significantly affect your and your family’s emotional wellbeing. 

In today's blog post, we will discuss how important it is for teens to see their parents practicing good self-care and stress management, as well as tips and strategies for balancing your busy work life, modeling positive coping skills, and connecting with your teens.

Teens Learn to Cope From Watching Their Parents

The first step in balancing your busy work life and connecting with your teen is understanding the roles of stress, coping skills, and stress management in your interactions with your teenager. 

For developmental, psychological, and social reasons, teenagers require role models to teach them how to have relationships that include effective emotional regulation and healthy communication. Teens are not born with these skills and need someone to help model, develop, and practice them with. 

There is a significant amount of scientific evidence that supports the idea that children learn from watching their parents. Social learning theory states that children learn by observing and imitating the behavior of other people, including their parents. Numerous studies support this theory and show that children are more likely to engage in behaviors that they have seen their parents engage in. 

For example, one study found that preschool-aged children who saw their parents engage in physical activity were more likely to be physically active themselves. This, along with a long history of clinical studies backed by several developmental theories, suggests that adolescents who see their parents engage in healthy stress management will have a better chance of developing those skills as well. 

This evidence also highlights the importance of positive parenting practices and suggests that parents can have a significant impact on their children's learning and development by paying attention to the example they are setting and by developing awareness of their own emotions, behaviors, and wellness.

Stress, Coping, and Managing Your Own Wellbeing

It is helpful to understand that stress is a natural part of life, and it is a bodily response to situations that require us to be alert, motivated and focused. However, when we experience too much stress at once, or suffer through prolonged periods of stress, it can harm our physical, mental, and emotional health. When untreated, chronic and/or severe stress can lead to such outcomes as depression, anxiety, burnout at work, and other mental health issues. 

Chronic stress, even when manageable, is often uncomfortable to deal with and puts a damper on the enjoyment of daily life. It also makes the job of parenting that much harder; it is very difficult to be an attuned and sensitive parent when you yourself are overwhelmed by anxiety or other deep emotions. 

Taking Care of Yourself First 

As a parent, it is vital to focus on your own needs—not only so that you can set a good example for your children, but also so that you will have the energy you need to be genuinely engaged in their lives.

To effectively cope with stress, you need to find activities and routines that work for you. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health by engaging in routine check-ins and maintenance. 

Regular relaxation practices, exercise, and a healthy diet are all effective ways to combat stress. Make sure you take breaks during work hours and find time to decompress so you don’t develop chronic stress. Talk to your support systems and find ways to engage in social activities that feel fulfilling to you. 

Everyone manages stress in their own way, but there are several proven places to start exploring exactly what works for you. Some of the most evidence-based and effective ways to deal with stress include:

• Breathing exercises
• Physical exercise
• Yoga
• Journaling
• Walking
• Engaging in hobbies
• Spending time in nature
• Meditation
• Grounding, progressive muscle relaxation, and other body-based activities
• Connection and relationships with loved ones
• Finding a sense of community and purpose
• Therapy or support groups

For more suggestions and ideas, this article discusses dealing with stress at work.

Finding Time for Self-Care

Understandably, working parents are often very busy and struggle to find the time to practice self-care. Here are a few ideas for quick, simple ways to practice self-care on a regular basis even when you don’t have much time. As you read through these ideas, remember that small actions materialize into bigger results when practiced over time. 

• Squeeze in a quick walk. Taking a short walk can be very supportive of overall wellbeing. To make it as easy as possible, you might just walk through the building once, around the block, or out to your car or the parking lot and back. 
• Enjoy the small things. You may not have time to schedule a full day at the spa, but you can often find smaller ways to add enjoyment or peace to your day. For example, you could wear your favorite socks, drink your favorite drink, or send a quick text to a friend. 
• Dive into good experiences. When you notice that something in your day-to-day life brings you a sense of joy or contentment, pay attention to this feeling and relish it. It could be as simple as a good cup of coffee. Take a few moments to breathe and enjoy the experience. 
• Take good care of your body. Pay attention to your posture at work and the ergonomics of your environment. This will play a part in preventing aches and pains.
• Practice deep breathing and relaxation. The beautiful thing about using the breath to calm yourself is that you can access this tool anywhere, anytime.. It can be as simple as taking three deep breaths at your desk periodically throughout your day. 
• Use your schedule to your advantage. When you can, take time off, or request a mental health day. It can be helpful to pre-schedule time for yourself and write your self-care into your schedule. 
• Practice self-compassion. Remember that you are a busy professional with several demanding responsibilities. Give yourself credit for your hard work and remember that you are also only human and give yourself some grace when you need it.

Practicing Self-Care with Your Teen

Self-care practices are as unique as the individual. There is no “one size fits all” approach, so take an open-minded look at your and your teen's relationship with self-care and find what works best for you. Teens often have many interests and hobbies; perhaps allowing them the space and time to share these hobbies with you could lead to some fun self-care activities. Here are a few other ideas: 

• Play your teen’s favorite video games together. Talking about life together while you play might just create the ultimate bonding experience for many teenagers.
• Get outdoors and play with your teen. Find what you both enjoy doing and do it together. This could be frisbee, hiking, playing soccer, or bird watching—it only matters that it is something you both enjoy and can bond over. 
• Color together. The Mayo Clinic describes coloring as a “healthy way to relieve stress”, noting the positive effects that it has both mentally and physically including a reduction of body aches, heart rate, respiration, and feelings of depression and anxiety.  

Being an Empathetic Parent

As a parent of teenagers, it is extremely helpful and important to take the time to understand what they're going through. Adolescents experience a significant transformation at that time in their lives, and it can be challenging for them to manage their emotions, social lives, and academic pressures. It can be very supportive to try and empathize with your teenager and to make an effort to understand their experiences and feelings.

Suggestions to Connect with Your Teenagers

Connecting with your teenager is crucial to helping them work through all of the stressors going on in their lives. They may not always act like it, but many of the teenage therapy clients I work with express just how much they wish they could talk openly with their parents. 

Here are some suggestions to help you connect with your teenager:

1. Listen to them. Teenagers need someone to listen to them openly. Try not to interject or lecture. Show them that you are there to support and encourage them. The more you can show your teen that you listen to them without judgment, the more comfortable they will feel opening up to you when it matters most. 
2. Show them how you deal with your own problems and emotions. Talk to them in an age-appropriate way about how you take care of yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed, worried, or any other emotion. Letting them know that you have emotions too helps normalize what they are feeling and gives them examples and encouragement for learning to cope. 
3. Spend quality time together. Plan activities that you enjoy doing together and take time to relax and bond.
4. Build a culture of trust. Encourage your teenager to be open and honest about their feelings and ideas and respect their opinions.
5. Discuss their goals and help them set realistic expectations. Make yourself available to help support them as they learn to juggle all of their goals and expectations for all of their roles at home and at school. Students can become easily overwhelmed by their list of tasks and activities; it can be a significant relief to have a parent's support. 
6. Engage in the activities that they take an interest in. Show your teenager that you see them as an individual by asking them to share their interests and hobbies with you. 

There is no question that balancing your busy work life and connecting with your teen is challenging, but it is definitely not impossible. Empathy, communication, and understanding are the keys to building a healthy relationship with your teenager. It is important to prioritize your own wellbeing so that you have the energy to also prioritize the needs of your family. With some effort and support, you can balance your demanding work life with being a supportive and empathetic parent. 

For more reading on parenting, check out these blog posts:

• How to Set Family and Work-Life Boundaries
• The New Pandemic: Families & the Mental Health Crisis
• How Parents Can Cope With Stress of Leaving Their Kids at School During Difficult Times

Disclaimer

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