This blog post was written by Christy Johnson, Counselor at Nivati. You can see more of their content on the Nivati platform and on the Nivati blog. If you want to learn more about Nivati, click here.

The Importance of National Grief Awareness Day

Grief is a universal human experience brought on by loss. Grief can affect our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, and it can also impact our relationships, work, and daily functioning. Grief is often misunderstood, minimized, or avoided by our society, leaving people to feel isolated, unsupported, or overwhelmed by their feelings. That is why National Grief Awareness Day, which is observed every year on August 30th, is an important initiative to raise awareness and compassion for those who are grieving.

What is Grief?

Grief is a natural reaction to loss and an important part of processing your emotions. Grief is a normal and healthy response that reflects the depth of our love and attachment to what we have lost. Grief can involve a range of emotions and physical symptoms and can affect our thoughts and beliefs. In very difficult times, some may even feel hopeless or confused. 

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There are some clinical guidelines and models that can help us understand grief from a mental health perspective, which will be highlighted later in this post. However, it is important to remember that grief is not a linear or predictable process. It does not follow a set timeline or a fixed sequence. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace.

Stages of Grief: 

One of the most popular models of grief is the five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. In her book On Death and Dying (1969), she identified five common emotional responses that people may have when facing death. The stages are: 

• Denial: This stage involves denying or refusing to accept the reality of the loss. It may serve as a temporary defense mechanism to cope with the overwhelming shock and pain.

• Anger: This stage involves feeling angry or frustrated about the loss. It may be directed toward oneself, others, god, life, or fate. It may reflect a sense of Injustice or unfairness.

• Bargaining: This stage involves trying to negotiate or make a deal with oneself, others, or a higher power to avoid or reverse the loss. It may involve thoughts like “If I only had done this…” or “What if I had said that…”

• Depression: This stage involves feeling sad and hopeless about the loss. It may involve crying, withdrawal, isolation, apathy, or despair. It may reflect a sense of emptiness or loneliness.

• Acceptance: This stage involves accepting and coming to terms with the loss. It does not mean forgetting or being happy about the loss. It means acknowledging the reality and finding ways to cope and move forward. 

Misconceptions About Grief: 

• Talking about the loss will make the person sad again: This is not true; talking about the loss can actually help the person process their emotions, share their memories, and feel less alone. Avoiding the topic can make the person feel isolated, misunderstood, or ashamed of their grief. It is important to respect the person's wishes and follow their cues on when and how to talk about the loss.

• People get over it eventually: Grief is not a problem to be solved or a weakness to be overcome. People do not “get over” their loss; they learn to live with it and adapt to their new reality. Over time, the intensity and frequency of grief may decrease, but the loss may still remain with them for the rest of their lives. Hopefully, over time, the loss is met with more feelings of fond remembrance and love than painful sadness.

• Everyone will experience the stages of grief in the same way: Greif is not a linear or predictable process that follows a set timeline or fixed sequence of stages. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Some people may experience different emotions or reactions at different times or in different orders. Some people may not experience some stages at all. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

• Grief is only for those who have lost a loved one: Greif can be triggered by any type of loss that is significant or meaningful to us, such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or the diagnosis of a severe illness, or the failure of an institution. These losses can also cause emotional pain, stress, and changes in our lives. They deserve recognition as valid losses with accompanying grief and difficult emotions. 

How Long Does Grief Last?

Many times individuals want to know how long grieving will last. The answer is - it depends. Grief is not a one size fits all experience. Everyone grieves differently at their own pace. 

Some factors that can influence how long grief will last include the nature of the loss, the closeness of the relationship, the personality and coping skills of the person, the culture and faith of the person, and the social support available to them. 

According to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), people who experience common grief may start to feel better after about 6 months, and the symptoms may largely resolve in about one to two years. However, this does not mean that grief ends or disappears after a certain period of time. Grief can resurface or change over time due to triggers, anniversaries, or life events. Grief can also become complicated or prolonged if the person has difficulty accepting or processing the loss, or if the loss is traumatic, sudden, or violent.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve there is no set timeline or timetable for grief. The most important thing is to acknowledge and express your feelings, seek support from others, take care of yourself, and be gentle with yourself. Grief is not something to rush, it is a sign of love and attachment to what we have lost, and it is a part of life and a part of healing. 

Signs That Someone You Know May Be Struggling with Grief

If someone you know is experiencing grief, there are some signs to be aware of that may indicate that they are struggling and could use support. 

• Withdraw and Isolation: They may withdraw from social activities and isolate themselves. This means that they may avoid or decline invitations to spend time with friends, family, or co-workers. They may prefer to stay at home or in their room, and not answer phone calls, texts, or emails. They may feel like they have nothing to say or no one to relate to. They may also feel guilty or ashamed of their grief and not want to burden others with their feelings.

• Eating or sleeping problems: Individuals sometimes have difficulty eating and may lose their appetite or overeat as a way of coping with their emotions. They may experience weight loss or gain as a result. They may also have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or they may sleep more than usual. They may have nightmares or dreams about the person who died. They may feel tired, restless, or lethargic during the day.

• Trouble concentrating or making decisions: Someone struggling with grief might find it hard to focus on tasks, such as work, school, or household chores. They may make mistakes, forget things, or miss deadlines. They might also struggle with making choices, and they may feel confused, overwhelmed, or indecisive.

• Physical symptoms: Physical symptoms can include changes in immune functioning, fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, and feeling physically drained or exhausted by grief. Individuals may also suffer from various pains or discomforts, such as muscle aches, chest pain, and heart palpitations.

• Difficulty expressing themselves: People experiencing grief may have a hard time expressing their emotions or may express them in unhealthy ways, such as through anger or substance use. When individuals are not able to identify or communicate their feelings effectively, they may bottle up their emotions in order to not cry or talk about them. 

• Suicidal thoughts: Those who are struggling with grief may have thoughts of suicide or self-harm; they may think about ending their life or hurting themselves physically. They may feel hopeless, helpless, or worthless. They may think that life is not worth living or that they are better off, or things would be easier, if they were dead. It is extremely important to take any talk of suicidality very seriously. Individuals with suicidal ideation are at risk of harm and deserve support. There are many available talk and text crisis lines available, and in the case of an emergency, individuals should call 911. 

Supporting Yourself and Others Through Grief

Grieving is a personal and unique journey that requires time and patience. There is no quick fix or easy solution to grief, and you deserve to take the time you need to heal from your loss and recover, however long that may be. 

It is important to take care of yourself while you are grieving, even when it feels impossible. Grief can be overwhelming and make it difficult to do the basics, but it is important to remember that you deserve to take care of yourself. Your loved one would want you to live your life to the fullest, even in their absence.

Try to remember that the heaviness of grief will lift and change into something more manageable to carry with time. In the meantime, here are some ways to support yourself and others with grief: 

• Acknowledge and express your feelings: Don’t try to suppress or avoid your emotions. Find healthy outlets to express your grief, such as talking to someone you trust, finding a therapist, writing in a journal, creating art, or joining a support group.

• Seek support from others: Don't isolate yourself from people who care about you. Reach out to your family, friends, coworkers, or community members who can offer you comfort, listening, or practical help. You may also benefit from professional counseling if you feel overwhelmed or stuck in your grief.
• Take care of yourself: Grief can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Make sure you get enough rest, eat well, exercise regularly, and avoid alcohol or drugs that can worsen your mood or impair your functioning.

• Be gentle with yourself: Don't judge yourself or compare yourself to others. Don't pressure yourself to feel or act a certain way. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and in your own time.

• Find meaning and purpose: Grief can challenge your sense of meaning and purpose in life and make you question your faith, values, or beliefs. You may wonder why the loss happened or what the point of living is. When you are ready, try to find ways to make sense of your loss and honor your loved one’s memory, such as volunteering for a cause, donating to a charity, or creating a tribute. 

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Read more: Healing From Greif Through Technicolor

Supporting Families Through Grief

Grief is not something that happens to only one person at a time; grief affects the whole family. It is helpful to remember that different members of the same family may grieve differently and show their emotions differently. When emotions are high, and individuals are responding to their pain in different ways, it can cause misunderstandings, resentments, or conflicts to arise. It is important to try to remember that grief can also bring families closer together and strengthen their bonds. Here are some tips to promote resilience for families during grief: 

• Support each other’s coping styles: Don't expect everyone to grieve the same way. Recognize and respect each other's preferences and needs for expressing or coping with their grief. Some people will need more space, while others will need more contact. Some may need to stay busy with more activities, while other people may need more quiet time. Within your family, try to accommodate each other's wishes and boundaries as much as possible. 

• Maintain routines and rituals: Grief can disrupt the normal functioning of the family. It is helpful to try to keep up with the daily routines and rituals that provide structure, stability, and comfort for the family from the daily routines to larger events like holidays. You may also create new routines or rituals that honor the person who died, such as lighting a candle, saying a prayer, or visiting a special place.

• Seek outside help if needed: Sometimes, grief can overwhelm the family’s ability to cope or communicate effectively. When this happens, it can be supportive to engage the assistance of a therapist or counselor in your area. Family therapy is an effective tool for navigating loss and grief and is a supportive way to bring all of the members of the family together. 

Supporting Workplaces and Co-workers Through Grief

Grief can also affect the co-workers and workplace of those who are grieving. Grief can impair the performance, productivity, and well-being of employees who are dealing with loss or supporting their families who are grieving. Grief can also create challenges for managers and employers who need to balance the needs of their grieving employees with the demands of their business. Here are some ways to support workplaces and co-workers through grief:

• Acknowledge and express condolences: Don’t ignore or avoid the loss or the person who is grieving. Express your sympathy and condolences in a sincere and respectful way. You may send a card, flowers, email, phone call, or personal visit to convey your message as appropriate. 

• Offer flexibility and accommodation: Don’t expect the person who is grieving to resume their normal work duties right away and be flexible if possible. Recognize that they may need some time off, reduced hours, modified tasks, or extended deadlines to cope with their loss and adjust to their new situation. Try to be flexible and accommodating as much as possible without compromising the quality of work or creating an undue burden for others.

• Provide support and resources: Don’t leave the person who is grieving alone or isolated in their grief. Offer your support and assistance in any way you can, such as listening, checking in, offering help with work-related issues, or referring them to available resources, such as employee assistance programs (EAPs), counseling services, support groups, or bereavement leave policies.

• Respect privacy and boundaries: Don’t pry or pressure the person who is grieving to share more than they are comfortable with. Respect their privacy and boundaries regarding their loss and their feelings. Don’t assume that you know what they need or want; ask them directly and follow their cues. 

Read more: Tips for Managing Grief at Work

Final Thoughts and Resources

Grief is not something that we have to endure alone or in silence. By raising awareness and support for those who are experiencing grief on National Grief Awareness Day and beyond, we can create a culture of compassion and healing for ourselves and others. We can also honor the lives and memories of our loved ones and find meaning and purpose in our own lives.

If you or someone you care about are suffering from grief and need support, there are several resources available for you. Here are some suggestions:

You can read books, articles, blogs, or podcasts that offer information and insights on grief and loss. Some examples are It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine, The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman, What’s Your Grief blog and podcast, and TED Talks on Grief. 

Seek professional help if you feel overwhelmed by your grief, or if you experience symptoms of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or suicidal thoughts. You can find a therapist who specializes in grief counseling through online directories or your employer’s EAP program and services.

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