This blog post was written by Dr. Alexis Custard-Mobley, Counselor and member of the Clinical Advisory Board at Nivati. You can see more of their content on the Nivati platform and on the Nivati blog. If you want to learn more about Nivati, click here.

Every second of every day the world is evolving, the clock is ticking, and things are changing. It may not always seem like it on the surface, but we as humans are constantly evolving and reinventing ourselves and the things around us. Change can be difficult, and we can resist change because it isn’t easy to do. It is a matter of the unknown, and sometimes the hard part about change is knowing how and where to begin.

The Significance of Change

Oxford Dictionary defines change as “the act or result of something becoming different”. Change will happen to every individual in the world whether we want it to happen or not. Change occurs due to many factors, such as: being in therapy, receiving coaching, going through lifestyle transitions and significant life events, enduring trauma, and learning more about ourselves. Coping with change can cause us to enter fight-or-flight mode. Even positive changes can be difficult! Change can be: 

• Embracing a new relationship at work or dealing with the adjustments that come with promotions or new employment opportunities. 
• Learning to work with a difficult co-worker. 
• Starting a new diet or workout regime as a lifestyle change. 
• Moving to a new city, making new friends, trying a new hobby or recipe.
• Becoming a new parent or living with a significant other or roommate for the first time. 
• Going to college or making a career change.

The possibilities of change are endless, and coping with change can be difficult.

How Change Can Affect You

One way to cope with change is cognitive restructuring, which can help you pinpoint stressful thoughts and replace them with more positive thoughts. For example, if you apply to a lot of positions and receive an email saying they are not going to move forward with your application. Some of your first thoughts may be that you didn't receive an interview, so you must not be qualified or smart enough, and that you won’t ever find a job. A way to utilize cognitive restructuring would be to reframe those thoughts and think something like: 

• Maybe they hired an internal candidate.
• I’m intelligent and these “no thanks” letters do not define my value.
• The right job will come to me at the right time; this just wasn’t my job.

Moving to a new mental position is attained through cognitive restructuring. Here are some ways to help create that restructuring. 

• Identifying the change with a new mentor or someone that you look up to.
• Researching the topic for new and relevant information.

Often, coping with change brings up the question of: where does one begin? 

How to Plan and Execute Change Using SMART Goals

To change, you must realize that you can navigate change, and then come up with a plan to execute that change. For example, if you want to lose weight, you must first see if that is a reasonable goal to obtain. Questions to consider would be: Is there a medical issue? How much time do I have to commit to the change?

Once you figure out that it is an attainable goal that you can achieve, you can go about making the change. One way to put your plan of action is SMART goals.

SMART goals are an acronym that stands for:

• Specific: What will you do?
• Measurable: Provide a way to evaluate whether that’s thorough metrics/data or another way.
• Achievable or Attainable: Is this possible for you to achieve or accomplish?
•  Relevant or Realistic: Does this goal make sense for you? Think about how this goal will help you.
• Timely or Time Bound: Determine when you have completed your goal, be specific with time, date, and day of completion.

How to Cope with Change

Read on for 11 more tips on how to cope with change.

1. Sit with the Change

Coping with feelings of change when they arise may be tough, but learning to sit with the change and your feelings is the best way to start getting through the difficult time.

Acceptance is the first step to admitting there is a change because you can then begin to work with and through the change. You can start off by sitting quietly in a room for five minutes with your thoughts and slowly increase this time each day. You can also meditate or work through the change in therapy. 

2. Ask for Help

Another way to cope with change is to ask for help. It can often be embarrassing to admit that there is a problem, and asking for help can be hard. You may experience rejection, or people that do not help or respond; however, there will also be people that will want to help. No one will know you need help if you do not put yourself out there.

3. Welcome New Paths

Also, look for new paths in life. When one door closes, there is always another door waiting to be opened. This change could be the one that leads you to your destiny or to a life lesson that must be learned to move you forward.

Give yourself time to absorb the change and process it. For example, if you just found out that a loved one passed away or that you’re being laid off, remember it’s okay to take some time to gather your thoughts, relax, come up with a new plan, and figure out how to work through your new change to get to where you would like to be.

4. Create a Plan

Be sure to have a plan to help you deal with your stress. One way to do this is to have a list of at least ten coping skills always handy that work for you. Try them all out multiple times and at different times to see what works for you! This could be deep breathing, jogging, knitting, or anything that is healthy that you enjoy doing that helps you to relax. You can find more ideas in this article. 

5. Join a Support Group

These are often found through Google, Meetup.com, Psychology Today, churches, recreation center announcements, and various other ways. This will help you bond with people that are experiencing similar situations. They may have a better understanding than most since they are going through something similar.

6. Take it Slow

I know it may seem like making drastic and big decisions is best, but remember that it is important to be still with your feelings until your mind is clear and some time has passed. This will ensure that you do not make a decision that you later regret that may put you in an even bigger situation or change than you’re currently experiencing.

7. Avoid Self-Medicating

I’ve often seen people turn to alcohol or other drugs to help ease the pain and just “forget about it”. However, the problem will still be there once the drugs wear off, and you cannot be at your best if your mind is under the influence.

8. Prepare Yourself for Changes Before They Happen

You must prepare for change. Remember your reasons for making the change in the first place and seek feedback from trusted loved ones on your progress. Also, remember to monitor and evaluate the change, whether that is through therapy, coaching, journaling, accountability partners, or other ways!

9. Plan for the Change (and Grow in Patience)

Think back to the SMART goals concept, and about the resources you have and how much time in which you must complete the change. Take the time that you need for the change. Do not rush the process! Patience is key when it comes to change. I like to say that you did not get here in a day or a week; therefore, you most likely are not going to change in a day or one week either. Sometimes it may take years and that is okay. Remember to reframe the way you think about change through cognitive restructuring.

10. Record Your Wins

Take a journey of where you were vs. where you are now (no matter how small!) and keep a record of your wins. If you don’t keep track of your wins, who will?! You must also hold yourself accountable. It is crucial to keep track of your wins because they help you to remember how far you have come. Sometimes we can get so caught up in achieving that we don’t take time to reflect or celebrate. Then one day you wake up and think to yourself: “What have I accomplished?” However, the fact is likely that you have done a lot but have forgotten because you didn’t keep track of your wins. You can do this by using a handwritten or digital journal. You can also get creative by creating a scrapbook of pictures of your goals or writing a song or poetry. Anything that helps you to remember that you did it will do the trick.

11. Remember Why You Started

Remember your why behind the change and why change is necessary. It’s often easy to forget why we started something in the first place. Think about it, reflect on your why daily, and maybe post it somewhere on a sticky note or on your desk or wall where you can see it daily and remember it. With your why at the forefront of your mind, you are 80 percent more likely to achieve the goal!

Lastly, Maya Angelou said: “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Remember we are all changing, and you can do this!

For more on coping with change, check out this video.

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